Cara Anna (ti chiamerò così),
la prima volta che sei entrata nel mio studio e hai cominciato a parlarmi raccontando storie che riuscivo a seguire solo a tratti, ho provato una grande attrazione per te. I tuoi mille discorsi seguivano trame personali e tu davi per scontato che io sapessi tutto di te e della tua vita. Io seguivo il fluire dei tuoi discorsi, il dipanarsi delle frasi che spesso passavano da un argomento a un altro e poi a un altro e a un altro ancora, seguendo un filo che solo tu forse conoscevi e avevi in mente. Ma la mia attenzione e il mio interesse per te non sono mai venuti meno e da questo ho capito che I would not have abandoned.
Thus, in just a few meetings that you have asked with evident desire, you told me your mother died in an accident at work when you did not even two years back in 1940, the wicked stepmother that has always opposed, the violent father, the loneliness in the college, marriage to a man slapping you saying that prostitutes were making love better than you, you've had problems with their children, one of whom died too and looks like a dad to want you well.
You insisted to come and see your house, you showed me the album with all photographs of the funeral of your mother, you told me of your life for two and a half hours in a row, without ever interrupting and if I had not said that I had to go, I'm sure you would have continued until midnight.
Why have you so many things to say, Anna, because there is no one who plays enough, because you're too small and bare alone in your apartment, as you have been too much alone for your whole life.
In truth, you're all alone. Because often at night from the TV in your bedroom out of the men who walk into your room and then disappear, or you hear voices and do not you know who they are. And sometimes you make the company even those who spy on you, no one knows why, and then there the question that you do for a lifetime and who has not yet been answered, but is it true that you were baptized in the name of the devil?
What can I do for you, Anna?
I can reassure you from your fears? Can make you spend some time in your life a little terrible 'more calm and relaxed?
I do not know for sure. For now I just want you to want me, you need that I have for you a "reference point", as you told me one day.
I can only tell you in all sincerity that I wish you well and that the first time I saw you you reminded me Merini Alda. Resembles the lot, both for age and for the physical appearance and, apart from the poetic capacity Alda, you have the same attitude his generous, honest, transparent and naive about life.
And you have this attitude to me is a mystery, after what life has brought you, I am surprised to see you so good.
Perhaps you came to me in this, Anna.
As I listened to your house, you had me visit with care, explaining the history of each of your furnishings simple, alternating moments where I let myself get into the flow of your stories with others in which, emerging out at the moment, I looked around and wondered what I was doing there at home.
Here, I will continue it with you, Anna: starò un po' dentro ai tuoi racconti e un po' fuori, sai, per non perdermi anch'io dentro alle tue storie e per permetterti di avere un punto di riferimento esterno, come hai chiesto tu.
Poi, credo che ci dovremo affidare tutti e due a qualcosa di ineffabile e misterioso, difficilmente razionalizzabile e sicuramente non contemplato nei manuali di psicoterapia o di psichiatria.
Cara Anna, mi è rimasta negli occhi l'immagine di te, in piedi davanti alla porta della tua casa, che mi saluti mentre accendo il motore della mia automobile e sto per andarmene. Attraverso il finestrino ti saluto un'ultima volta con la mano e leggo sulle tue labbra quella parola che mi rivolgi ripetutamente mentre mi sorridi, una word that still resonates within: thanks.
Thank you, Anna, for choosing me and for sharing with me your thoughts and your great humanity.
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